The World Cup is starting — started yesterday, actually — but I for one will not be watching. There are a few reasons for this.

For years and years and years I tried, out of a desire to be cosmopolitan and not be a slave to my short attention span, to train myself to care about this tournament. But the truth of the matter is — and it feels good to finally say it — I find soccer boring. I know this makes me a provincial American yahoo who needs action in his sports, but so be it. I’ve spent my last two hours watching a scoreless tie that ends in a shootout.

Also FIFA, the organization that runs this thing, is cartoonishly corrupt. Now, I know the NBA — my chosen source of sporting entertainment — isn’t perfect. It’s mostly quite groovy on social issues, but it’s also a corporation, and for instance actively suppresses criticism of China for business reasons. But it’s never given a made-up Peace Prize to a lunatic who turned right around and started a war in the Middle East.

I would think that even actual soccer fans would want to starve FIFA of attention in hopes that it would go away and be replaced by something more like, say, the IOC. (Which has its own problems, I know. You can only hope for so much.)

Having said all that, I am of course curious about the train-wreck aspects of this international event meeting the Orwellian horror that is 2026 America. Will there be empty stadiums, ICE raids, riots? I wish only the best to those who attend the games, but given the morons in charge of national security these days, how likely is it some sort of Bad Shit will go down? I hope it doesn’t, but I wouldn’t be surprised.

Anyway, no shade on those who want to watch the games — you have to get your jollies where you can. I will be looking for other forms of entertainment. Which reminds me, we’re pretty much caught up on all the TV shows. Anyone have suggestions? See you in the comments.