Only recently did I realize how much the producers of The Apprentice (the TV show — not the movie, which I can’t decide if I want to see) are responsible for our current national nightmare. By showing the world an idealized version of That Fucking Guy who appears to be a smart, successful businessman — when in fact he is only, barely, the last of those — they created a monster.
Americans believe what we see on the Sacred Box.1I think that a lot of TFG’s voters still see the slick boardroom shark, not the gibbering idiot who goes on at length about Arnold Palmer’s junk. (I saw an extended clip from that rant yesterday, and it stood out how the audience — who at first are delightfully scandalized by the racy subject matter — quickly get bored and by the end seem to be having existential crises. When you’re losing people with dick jokes, you’re really bombing.)
Lately when I flip on CNN or MSNBC they’re all fascist this and TFG hearts Hitler that. And I’m like, congratulations, you finally figured it out! A little late, but welcome to the party.
I do wish they’d spend a little time explaining to people exactly what “fascist” means. Americans by and large are not much for history; we know vaguely that fascism is bad but would be hard-pressed to define it. I myself feel uneasy with my grasp of the history, which is why I’ve been carting around The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich and even occasionally reading it.
But there I go again, expecting corporate media to shove down our throats the context we say we want but really avoid like the plague. When push comes to shove we really just want to know whose trouser snake Fuckface is talking about now.
Former TFG chief of staff John Kelly has been one of the people out there throwing around the F word, and good for him; that takes some guts. If the Bad Man does manage to get back into office, his revenge tour will go after big names like Kelly first. I doubt he’ll bother with blogs read by three people. (Though I’d kind of like to be on the enemies list; it would be a great honor.)
In response TFG spokesbeing Steven Cheung said that:
John Kelly has beclowned himself with these debunked stories he has fabricated.
And let’s be fair: “beclowned” is a great word that doesn’t get used nearly enough. But it’s a bit rich coming from a guy whose boss was probably, at that very moment, slathering on orange makeup with a trowel.
In other clown news, I see that Kamala has locked up the coveted Insane Clown Posse endorsement. But maybe it’s not that funny; the Times says that “up to two million people self-identify as fans, or Juggalos or Juggalettes,”
Between that and the recent endorsement of legendary newsclown Geraldo Rivera, how can she lose?
Yesterday I saw two versions of the same joke riffing on the fact that TFG had said Arnold Palmer was “all man.” Seth Meyers said that he was actually “half man, half iced tea,” while Jon Stewart went with “half man, half lemonade.”
Which tells you everything you need to know about those two guys; “half lemonade” is funnier and it’s not even close.
Jon has become my anger translator these recent weeks. His growing apoplexy over the course of this monologue is entirely appropriate and quite cathartic:
I just watched it again and I may watch it a third time later today.
On a totally different subject: Recently a friend asked me to name the greatest American rock band, and I actually found it hard to answer. From where I’m sitting all the top groups — from the classic Beatles, Stones, Kinks etc. to later personal faves like Shriekback, the Fall, and Love and Rockets — are British. You might be tempted to say Jimi Hendrix but Jimi was not a band, unless you count the Experience, in which case they were 2/3 British. And in any case Jimi himself, though American by birth, only became a star Over There and so in a sense is a British artist.
The first answer that popped into my head was Creedence Clearwater Revival, whose song “Proud Mary” I have been pushing as a replacement National Anthem for decades now. They are certainly all-American, chameleons who successfully mixed Southern soul and R&B into their rock’n’roll although they were from El Cerrito.
I’m a bit embarrassed to admit that I did not immediately think of the Velvet Underground, which is probably the right answer. In breadth and depth of influence they’re hard to argue with. But I’ll happily listen to other viewpoints.
Here’s something I just found: Two of the people they influenced covering one of their songs. Over and out for now.
If you had been around in 1969 and had to listen to Susie Q ten times an hour, you would never, never, never think of CCR as the greatest American band.
VU all the way.
Today, I canceled my Washington Post subscription. Cowards!
I thought that the best American R&R band thing was settled when SRV and Double Trouble were submitted.
Suzie Q is 8 1/2 minutes long so that’s not even possible. But I take your point.
VU is a good call, as is CCR though it feels limited in some ways. The Allmans are another classic American band, but oddly enough The Band is not. And for a certain now long-clichéd subset of us, the Dead are obviously the quintessential US rock band.
More news on Arnold Palmer and TFG’s closing argument, which is reported more disinhibited and vulgar than ever today. The gist is apparently along the lines of “Milk, milk, lemonade…”