The Stark Fist of Removal has been busy lately: Bob Newhart, Willie Mays, Donald Sutherland, James Earl Jones, Maggie Smith, Kris Kristofferson, Pete Rose, Dikembe Mutombo, Tito Jackson, Richard Simmons, Phil Donahue, just to name a smattering.

But Jimmy Carter lives on.

Jimmeh turns 100 today, about a year and a half after going on hospice. Apparently he was determined to live long enough to vote for the Democrat in this election, and given that in Georgia you can request an absentee ballot up to 78 days before Election Day, he may already have done so.

His record as president was mixed, though I think in some ways he got a raw deal. (Ronald Reagan negotiating with Iran behind his back was dirty pool.) But he has unequivocally been our best ex-president, building houses and negotiating peace deals and eradicating the Guinea worm in his spare time. The contrast between him and the ex-president currently trying to get the job again is so total that it hardly bears mentioning.

If I’m being honest my fondest memories of the Carter administration are not of Jimmy himself but of Dan Aykroyd playing him, for instance in this sketch where he talks down a teenager having a bad acid trip:

Or the one where he visits Three Mile Island, gets irradiated, and becomes the Amazing Colossal President. (This one does not seem to be on YouTube. Come on, Lorne!) And while we’re on the subject, can I rant for a minute? We recently learned that Microsoft will be reopening TMI to power their AI projects — a story which I, like most sane people, initially assumed was from The Onion. But it is real, and while I guess it’s good they’re using nuclear power rather than coal or something, on the other hand WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

I mean really, honestly, must we? Must we expend all this time and energy and effort on AI, which nobody really wants or needs, when climate change is running rampant over the Earth? HEY SMART PEOPLE, could you please work on keeping the planet habitable and leave all the fun sci-fi stuff for later?

OK, I feel better now. So, how to celebrate JC’s big day today? I suppose we can tune in and root for Tim Walz, the most Carterian figure to appear on a national ticket since the man himself. We could take some orange sunshine and settle down with a big bag of peanuts and a 12-pack of Billy Beer. Then afterward, some Allman Brothers. Remember, you’re a living organism on this planet and you’re very safe. For now.