This post also appears on my other blog, The Beatles Plus 50.

Now it can be told. According to a website I just found,

On August 31, 1966, the “Fab Four” were titaniced and replaced with despicable spies who were thoroughly familiar with the SOE Training Manual, first issued in December 1941, at the British run “school for killers” called Camp X in Canada!!

Aside from “car accidents,” the favorite way for the British Empire to get rid of their enemies . . . or people who have outlived their usefulness . . . is by burial at sea. Burial at sea leaves no physical evidence that the person ever existed. The mighty Russian Orthodox Romanov dynasty ended in a watery grave . . . and Lord Kitchener’s military career ended in a watery grave in 1915.

Likewise, the Beatles’ “musical” careers were cut short when they were buried at sea. The bodies of the “Fab Four” were dumped into San Francisco Bay, and their places were taken by 4 doubles or doppelgängers!!

And they couldn’t say it on the Internet if it wasn’t true, right?

In all honesty you have to check out this site to see what is either one of the most baroque, wackadoo conspiracy theories I’ve ever seen or a magnificently detailed and deadpan hoax perpetrated by someone with way too much time on their hands. Among the things you’ll learn:

• “Operation Rock and Roll was the brainchild of Winston Churchill and it was carried out with military precision.”
• “Churchill was very, very angry at the United States for not nuking Russia and helping him seize the Suez Canal in 1958, so, as revenge, he decided to invade the U.S. with 4 Mops [sic] Tops carrying guitars instead of rifles.”
• ”On August 29, 1966, the real Beatles disappeared into a Brinks armored car in Candlestick Park and were never seen alive again.”
• “Their private jet plane did not crash so that leaves only one other horrifying option: they were gassed in the Brinks armored truck and then buried at sea–titaniced!!”

It goes on from there, at considerable length, elaborating on the doppelganger theory (“The 4 doubles went to India for personality transplants!!”) and slowly pivoting into religious propaganda. The upshot of all this, apparently, is that

“Rock” — get it? Also,

The real FAB FOUR are Matthew, Mark, Luke and John….If you really like good music, believe in the Rock of Ages today, and you will have all eternity to listen to the angels singing the praise of JEHOVAH Elohim!!

Which I guess is supposed to close the sale, but to me it kind of sounds like a threat. I mean, what if after 10,000 or 100,000 years, you start to get tired of that? Can you opt out? I would read the contract very carefully before signing anything.