The Best (Worst) Product Review Ever

Awhile back, in the course of doing web research on toaster ovens for my mom, I came across the best product review ever (that is, most amusing; it was not a positive review of the product in question, to say the least). Then I promptly forgot about it. Now that I am in the market for a new toaster oven myself, I happened to look up the models available at Eureka’s Target (where I seem to be spending an alarming amount of time), and lo and behold, there it was again.

The product in question is the Black & Decker TRO490W Toast-R-Oven Classic 4-Slice Countertop Oven, White. The Amazon page for this baby is like nothing I’ve ever seen. It is full of one-star reviews with headlines like “Good product if you want your house fumigated,” “Dangerous!! Almost burned down my kitchen,” and “Fire hazard!!”

Apparently, the TRO490W has a few problems. Here are some excerpts from the reviews:

Holy Cow! Bought this toaster oven today at a local store on sale. Took it home, unpacked it and made a single piece of toast. An hour later (LONG after the oven had cooled down), we heard a crash in the kitchen….the entire glass front of the oven door had shattered! Hundreds of sharp glass shards everywhere on my counter and floor, what a mess!


Fine, thanks for asking

Once again it’s been awhile. I can think of several excuses for this. One is, I recently moved for the first time in 18 years. That’s right – a child born the day I moved into my apartment in Oakland would have been able to vote in the recent presidential election. Which is another excuse. It seems like everyone I know was hit with a crushing wave of exhaustion once the election was over, such was our relief that the phrase “President Romney” would remain a random juxtaposition of words with no referent in the actual world. It was a strange night; I had barely settled onto Cecil’s couch for what I thought was going to a a long night in the style of Bush/Gore 2000 when Obama’s number at the top of the screen ticked over 270. And just like that it was over, with no drama remaining except whether Karl Rove would actually have a massive coronary á la Randolph Duke. (I kept waiting for Karl to start shouting “Turn those machines back on!” Oh, my, was it sweet.) Quite frankly I feel like I’m only just now waking up from my post-election stupor…which rolled right into my Thanksgiving food stupor…and now that I’ve finally finished the last little sliver of pumpkin pie in the house, it may finally be time to return to something resembling wakefulness and productivity. Or maybe not. We shall see.