The Dick Clark hologram will look something like this.
Speaking of holograms, will we see a hologram of young Dick Clark standing next to Ryan Seacrest this New Year’s, á la Anakin Skywalker?
I have to admit that, upon hearing that Clark had died, my immediate reaction was “Thank goodness — now our New Year’s Eves will no longer be haunted by the spectre of his grotesque visage.” Then I felt bad about that — I don’t necessarily have anything against Dick Clark. I have no idea what kind of person he was in real life, though the fact that he looked so young for so long was always suggestive of some kind of deal with the devil. Having that stroke that paralyzed part of his face humanized him, but I really didn’t want to see him anymore after that.
It’s my own fault really for not avoiding the horrific spectacle that is the televised ball-drop. I hate everything about it, from the general tone of frantic, forced enthusiasm to everyone involved, be it Seacrest, the Black Eyed Peas, or (ugh) Kathy Griffin. And yet somehow it is hard to get away from. It’s as if I must punish myself in order to be cleansed in preparation for the new year. Must it always be thus, or will the departure of Dick Clark for the next plane of existence set me free? I guess we’ll find out in seven and a half months.
Since you have already spoken ill of the dead, I’ll pile on. Dick Clark was an opportunist. He didn’t originate Bandstand in Philly, it just fell into his hands. He happened to be on staff at the station when the originator, Bob Horn, had to be whisked away suddenly because it came out that he was bonking some of the underage dancers. Later Clark stitched together a ripoff version of Soul Train, until a threatened boycott of Bandstand by black performers forced him to cancel it. Any Dick Clark project invariably took someone else’s idea or performance and packaged it into something he made big bucks off of. He was to TV what Pat Boone was to rock & roll.
I’ll go with the old man on this one. Lot’s of folks commented about it on FB. My question, who fucking cares about Dick Clark?
Was the word “visage” actually in your immediate reaction? For that matter, what about “spectre” and “grotesque”?
Just admit you actually thought, “F*ck, I’m glad I’ll never have to see his ugly mug again.”
Goshdarnnit, I come here every day for your wisdom. Post!
Dude. You are killing me, and not softly.