Today marked the return of my favorite cat site, Baby’s No Help, a single-minded project devoted to chronicling the adventures of one complicated cat and her friends. The cat in question, Oakland’s own Baby, is an especially devoted guardian of Earth and its inhabitants.

Not everyone appreciates the work that cats do in protecting us all from the trans-dimensional creatures (TDCs) that pose a constant threat to our way of life. In fact many of us remain blissfully unaware of the threat and of the fact that, without the constant vigilance of our feline defenders, the TDCs would wreak havoc on our dimension. No one is sure exactly what they would do, and Osiris willing, we will never find out; but without a doubt it would be terrible indeed.

Now you may be saying, “But wait, my cat sleeps upwards of 20 hours a day. What kind of protection is he or she against anything?” Well, the fact is that the TDCs appear on our plane of reality only rarely, often in the middle of the night, local time. Thus it is vitally important that the cats are well-rested at all times, so that they may respond swiftly and decisively when the moment comes. There is some kind of circuit in the feline brain that warns them when the dimensional barrier is breached (it is particularly strong in female cats for some reason), and this is why even a cat who seems to be wrapped in the deepest reaches of slumber may suddenly come alert, looking this way and that at what appears to be nothing at all.

This is also why cats feel entitled to anything they want to eat, the warmest places to sleep in, and as many hours of uninterrupted repose as they care to enjoy. So the next time you see a sleeping cat, by all means do not disturb it; instead lean over and whisper your thanks quietly in its ear. It may appear entirely oblivious, and may well be so, but rest assured the message will get through somehow.