Temperature in hell continues to drop

Chris Webber prays for a reunion with his favorite coach.

The headline today read “Webber Returns to Warriors.” Some of you will know what that means and why it’s making my head spin. For the rest, here’s a little history to help you understand just how weird this is:

Back in the early 90s, I was captivated by a dynamic young basketball team called the Golden State Warriors. Coached by NBA legend Don Nelson and led by a trio of up-and-coming stars known by the acronym Run-TMC (Tim Hardaway, Mitch Richmond, and Chris Mullin), the Warriors played an uptempo style of ball that made them both entertaining and successful.

But there was a problem: The team lacked size, and so while they were good enough to make the playoffs, they couldn’t match up with a bigger team over the course of a series. This prompted Coach Nelson to trade Richmond for a rookie named Billy Owens, whose combination of size and skills made him look like a surefire superstar.

Guacamole and Chips

Speaking to an audience in Nevada this week, Hillary Clinton was heard to say:

“All of our problems are interconnected, but we treat them as though one is guacamole and one is chips.”

I find this fascinating, though not necessarily for political reasons. Some commentators wondered if this was her idea of a metaphor that would resonate with a Hispanic audience, but I have to think Hill is smarter than that. One thing no one has ever accused her of being is a dumbass.

No, what really gets me is the Zenlike, circular nature of the statement. It sounds like something Shunryu Suzuki might have said. In one sense it seems clear enough, but when you stop to think about it it’s a real head-scratcher. Are chips and guacamole not connected? What happens when you dip the chip in the guac and put it in your mouth? Are chip, dip, and mouth not all one for that moment? One question leads to the next until you begin to feel pleasantly lightheaded.

Maybe rather than pandering clumsily to Latins, Hillary was really sending a coded message to America’s stoners: “With Kucinich gone, you have to support somebody, and why not me? Remember during Bill’s adminstration how you could channel-surf without getting bummed out by news about the war and stuff? Those were good times. It can be like that again. Vote for Hill — she’s real Chill.”

Or something like that.

Break on Through (or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Like the Doors)

One of the solaces of getting older is that the passionate prejudices of your youth start to fade. As time passes you become less determined not to like certain things, and the appeal you previously refused to acknowledge is able to break through the clouds and make itself seen.

For instance: From the time I was a teenager, I was eager to tell anyone who would listen exactly why and how much I hated the Doors. Most of it had to do with Jim Morrison and the whole idea floating around that he was some kind of Great Poet. To me Jim Morrison was always the guy who wrote these lines:

If they say I never loved you
You know they are a liar


Rock’n’Roll Presidents’ Day

As I have mentioned in years past, today is the shared birthday of David Bowie, Bill Graham, and The Elvis Presley (as Andy Kaufman used to call him). Sort of rock’n’roll Presidents’ Day. Quite frankly, I resent having to work today, and as a protest I will just go through the motions while quietly humming a mashup of “Mystery Train” and “The Bewlay Brothers.”

In other rock news, I was delighted to learn yesterday that the boys from Bauhaus will be releasing a new album, their first since 1983’s Burning from the Inside, on March 3, March 8, or March 10, depending on which source you believe. According to bauhausmusik.com,

Go Away White was recorded in 18 days at Zircon Skye in Ojai, with singer Peter Murphy, bassist David J, guitarist Daniel Ash, and drummer Kevin Haskins playing together as a band in one room, taking first takes as final cuts.



You hear people talk about posterity all the time. What they’re gonna leave behind for posterity, how posterity will see them, etc. etc. How come you never hear anyone talk about anteriority? What are they, chopped liver?