It never ceases to amaze me what those resourceful spammers will come up with. This week, I got one that takes what seems to me like a wholly new approach to sales: outright hostility to the potential customer. It was subject lined “You’re stupid man. buy viagraw,” and inside it contained this helpful advice:
You’re stupid man. buy viagra. maybe it will help you. oh, no. nothing helps you.
Now if I needed “viagraw” — and really, honestly, I definitely don’t — would I buy it from this asshole? I don’t think so. Then again, he did get my attention, which was probably the idea.
Maybe this approach could work for other products, like, say, beer:
You’ve never found anything you’re good at, and you’ve failed at everything you’ve ever tried. You’re unemployed, uneducated, and unattractive. Miller Genuine Draft won’t solve any of those things. But it will help you forget them!
The new Honda Accord is such a wonderful automobile, you don’t deserve it, you worthless piece of human filth. Even if you showed up at the dealership with a wheelbarrow full of money, we wouldn’t sell you one. Well, maybe we would. It’s worth a try.
Maybe even the movies:
You’re nowhere near bright enough to understand the Oscar(r)-nominated film Babel. All the same, why not buy a ticket, then go sit in the theater and smoke crack or whatever it is you do? Something might seep in by accident. Probably not, but what do you have to lose?
(Alright, alright, I know…but it was a good premise, wasn’t it? Maybe you can do better.)