If O.J. had done it, he would have planted a bloody glove that was too small for him at the scene.
You won’t find many people willing to admit in public to being disappointed that O.J. Simpson’s book, If I Did It, will never see the light of day. But I am one of them. Think about it; now we will never know the answer to that most vexing of questions: If O.J. had killed his wife and her friend Ronald Goldman, how would he have done it? Certainly not the way the crime was actually done, with a knife, brutally, just outside Nicole Simpson’s apartment. No, O.J. is far too clever for that. An O.J.-devised murder plan would surely have involved international intrigue, multiple red herrings, Nazis, doppelgangers, and Polonium 210. And this is what we will be missing by never getting to read If I Did It: a work of imaginative fiction rivaling The DaVinci Code or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory for sheer creative breadth.
What’s more, I was looking forward to publisher Judith Regan using the success of O.J.’s book to launch a whole series of related titles. For instance, who wouldn’t want to read Bill Clinton’s If I’d Had Sex with That Woman, Here’s How I Would Have Done It. Or how about this one, dictated by the late Richard Nixon through a spirit medium: I Was Not a Crook, but If I Had Been, Here Are the Illegal Things I Would Have Done.
Still, I think that even without the book’s being published, O.J. has accomplished his real purpose, which had nothing to do with money, or with receiving belated credit for his crimes. What O.J. really wanted was for each one of us to take a long, hard look in the mirror and ask ourselves, if I had killed Nicole Simpson and Ronald Goldman, how would I have done it?
For me, the answer is easy: I would have done it with the Candlestick, in the Billiard Room. And I would have been Colonel Mustard at the time. How about you?