Bring Out Your Dead


A dashing young Don Knotts.

So this is the time when we traditionally honor those who have passed away during the year. There was a long-ass list in the Chronicle today, including some surprises — for instance Don Knotts, d. 2/24/06. You’d think I would have known about that one. Also, Desmond Dekker died on May 25, and nobody told me.

The death of Jack Palance took me by surprise, mostly because I was pretty sure he’d died years ago. Likewise, it came as a shock to see composer György Ligeti among the list of this year’s decedents. I had always assumed he was a figure from the 18th or 19th century, probably because his music appears on the 2001 soundtrack alongside such luminaries as Richard and Johann Strauss.

(more…)

On the Top of Edge

Check out this verbiage some Viagra vendor sent me today. Is it not delightful?


WE GLAD TO PERFORM FOR YOU COOL SUGGESTIONS OF MEDICAMENTS.
SEX IS NOT A TROUBLE FOR YOU ANY MORE TAKE PLEASURE IN IT!
SURPRISE HER AND GIVE HER EVERYTHING YOU BOTH DREAMT FOR.
USING OUR ADVANCED TREATMENT YOU WILL BE ON THE TOP OF EDGE.
ALSO YOU WILL SAVE YOUR MONEY WE HAVE A REAL REDUCTION.
UNFORGETTABLE NIGHT THAT YOU COULD HAVE JUST JOIN US!

Perfect for Five Seconds

“You were perfect for five seconds,” she said.

I think in the far future, after everyone’s famous for fifteen minutes, they will be perfect for five seconds. Which, if you think about it, is long enough. Because in those five seconds you will be a transcendent being, encompassing all possibilities and outside of time and space. So this is great news for everyone.

Everyone except me, of course. Cause I’ve already had mine. Dammit.

Back in Black

Like most people, I owned AC/DC’s Back in Black on vinyl back in the day. Then, at some point, I decided that AC/DC was not cool and sold it. I’m here today to tell you that I made a terrible mistake. Over the Thanksgiving holiday, I found a copy of the CD laying around at my dad’s place, and I made a duplicate for my own use, in clear violation of all the relevant laws and statutes. I’ve been listening to it and let me just say: Back in Black, like, rules.

(more…)

Son of Poetic Spam

Taken individually, the various elements of this bit of text — which accompanied an unwanted stock tip from someone called “Hoskins” — are rather prosaic. But put them together, and you get a powerful artistic statement about the banality of modern life. Or something.


make bomb

Renaissance
The condo has three bedrooms, three baths plus a powder room, overlooks Granada Golf Course and is walking distance to Miracle Mile. But just when the industry was starting to get comfortable with the idea of two competing formats, now along comes a third. This turned out to be a nightmare. Come watch people do stupid things, funny animals and much much more.
Come watch people do stupid things, funny animals and much much more. (more…)