So, uh, Adam, how are things going down there?
Good. Real good. I mean, great! What do I have to complain about? I lay around all day in the sun, eat of the fruit You’ve provided for me, smell the flowers, watch the moon and stars, talk to the animals…
Well, it’s just, the animals never say anything back. Nothing ever does. I thought I heard a tree talking to me once, but that was just because I’d eaten some of that one plant. I mean, I hate to complain. Everything’s so beautiful. It’s just that sometimes it gets a little…
No, no, I wouldn’t say that. Everything’s wonderful, really. Just once in a while, at night especially, it’s a little too quiet.
Funny you should say that.
I’ve come up with an idea. Something you’re going to like.
I’m going to make another person. Like you, only different.
A little smaller. Softer. Better-smelling. You’ll like her.
What does “her” mean?
It’s a word that refers to this other person. You’ll understand later.
So will he—
Ooh, I like the sound of that. Will she be able to talk?
Oh, most definitely.
Wow, um, that’s…wait, what if she doesn’t like me?
Fortunately, you don’t have a lot of competition. You might want to take a bath. Maybe pick up after yourself a little bit. Stop sleeping on top of half-eaten apples and plums…you know what, never mind. Don’t worry about it. She’ll put you straight.
So when do I meet her?
Real soon. I’m going to make you go to sleep for a while, and I’m going to take out one of your ribs and put it in the new person.
Um…is that really necessary?
Not really. It’s just symbolism.
Oh. Well, I guess You know best.
Yeah, I do, I really do. I suppose we should get on with it. Hmmm…
What? Is there something you’re not telling me?
Well, I’m afraid she may drive you a little crazy once in a while. But you need that. It’ll help you develop. You’re not going to lay around eating fruit for the rest of your life, are you?
What else is there?
You’ll find out. Oh, I forgot the coolest part! I’m fixing things so that the two of you can make new people together. Isn’t that wild?
Wait, this is all moving too fast….
[Sound of an unconscious body hitting the ground.]
And here I always thought men were whittled out of a woman’s shin bone….