Lennon flashes the peace sign, while Columbus rocks some kind of Illuminati hand jive.

Today is Columbus Day, which is probably my least favorite holiday of the year. Not that I have anything against Christopher Columbus per se. Mind you, I don’t want to go on record as being pro-Columbus, either. My official position is to remain firmly neutral on the whole topic. In San Francisco they’ll be having the country’s largest pro-Columbus (or “Italian pride”) parade; in Berkeley they’ll be somberly commemorating Indigenous Peoples Day; in Oakland I could really care less, except that Columbus Day always ends up being inconvenient in some way. Inevitably, if I’m expecting a desperately needed check, the lack of mail will screw me over; if I’m trying to make a crucial payment, the payment will be delayed. Could we please just abolish this contentious, inconsistently observed, wholly useless holiday once and for all?

In other news, it’s also John Lennon’s birthday. Of course Lennon was a Libra, and of course he was my favorite Beatle (although I’ve been listening to the magnificent All Things Must Pass a lot lately, and George has been gaining ground). Why not celebrate by listening (or relistening) to the Monkey Vortex classic John, Paul, and Brando?

And finally, the old calendar on the wall tells me that today is Canadian Thanksgiving. I have no idea what that’s supposed to mean. Presumably our neighbors to the north will be eating Canadian turkey with Canadian stuffing (a.k.a. bacon), then fall asleep on their Canadian sofas in front of Canadian football, dreaming whatever it is that Canadians dream.