So what do underemployed editors do to occupy themselves? A lot of things, many of them not fit for discussion on a family Internet. But one is to flip idly through the dictionary. Doing this some years ago, I noticed some interesting juxtapositions at the tops of pages, where the first and last words on the page are printed in boldface. Seeing as I’m contractually obligated to post something today, and I don’t have any better idea, here are some examples. (I can hear that voice in the back of my head again—is it Capote or Cecil, or my conscience?—that high-pitched voice that wails “That’s not writing, that’s typing.” Quiet, you!)
arrogance to art form
assumed to astral
attic to auction
bean sprout to beaten
beret to beset
blurry to bob
chickenshit to Chilkoot Pass
crackbrain to cranberry bush
cupidity to curiosity
debonair to deceit
delivery room to Demerol
Derby to descending colon
descension to desire
destitution to determine
digger to diligence
ding to dioxin
direct action to dirty tricks
discarnate to discontented
disposable income to dissenter
distemper to distributed data processing
doggy bag to dolomite
double-time to Dow Jones Average
dreamland to drift
driftage to drive-in
Dumbarton to dunk shot
ejaculation to elder
emotional to EMT
ethereal to Etruscan
falsify to fan belt
fellah to fence-sitter
financial to finger paint
finger post to firebrand
first class to fish pole
fixate to flagpole
flirtation to floor
flouncing to fluffy
Flushing to flying fish
foreshadow to forgive
Fuehrer to full moon
functional shift to Furbish lousewort
heartbeat to heatstroke
interesting that you appear to have a tiny jackass lodged in the back of your head, doing some sort of borschbelt imitation of my voice.
For the record, the real me would never scold you for writing anything that includes “functional shift to Furbish lousewort.” So that’s one easy way to tell the difference between real me and sham jackass me.
-Cecil