Those bastards at The Onion have done it again: Reached into my brain and plucked out something that’s been rattling around in there unused, then exploited it for their own comedy purposes. I’ve been saying for years that bacon is a condiment, so imagine my surprise this week upon sitting down at the coffee shop and opening up the print version to this story:

Report: Meat Now America’s No. 2 Condiment

Am I saying that The Onion owes me something for this, like a staff job or at least a large cash payment? Absolutely I am saying that. That’s exactly what I’m saying. Those bastards.