Well, the results are in: That goddamn rodent saw his shadow again, dooming us to six more weeks of winter. Not that winter in the Oaktown is anything to get all worked up about, although I am kind of tired of the rain. It’s just such a tease; every year we’re promised the possibility of early spring, only to have it cruelly snatched away by an animal with a lower IQ than the average NASCAR fan. When was the last time the wretched creature failed to see its shadow? Why must we go through this charade year after year? And why on Earth did we empower this lowly beast ā€” not even a primate, barely a mammal ā€” to dictate our weather to us? Doesn’t it violate one of the commandments? Oh Lord, I beseech thee, smite the groundhog and deliver us from its tyranny.