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September 27, 2007
Happy Birthday Libra Baby
As a rational, educated modern person, I believe that astrology is utter and complete bullshit. Except, of course, as it applies to me. Every astrology column I read somehow contains 11 horoscopes that are a total waste of time and one that is strangely illuminating.
That one is Libra, my sign and that of many of my friends. Again, it is my officially stated position that astrology is stupid. How can you be said to share an entire personality profile and predestined life path with one-twelfth of the human race, just because they were born at approximately the same time of the year as you? It’s utterly ridiculous.
And yet….
And yet I must admit that I am irresistably drawn to the symbolism of the scales, because I am driven to balance and to weigh everything—to take the contrary opinion in every situation, to double- and triple- and quadruple-think everything until I make myself crazy.
And yet the following description I lifted from Wikipedia sounds awfully familiar:
The Libra person is said to be co-operative, sees both sides, open-minded, just, urbane, partnership oriented, avoids conflict, balanced, graceful, debative, idealistic, and equalitarian. They can sometimes also rationalize, be easily deterred, indecisive and lazy, and are also thought to be flirtatious, extravagant, frivolous, impatient, envious, aloof, and quarrelsome.
…although, to be honest, I quarrel with that. I am envious of no man!
And yet this article by fellow Libran Tim Sullivan in today’s Chronicle/SF Gate really struck a chord. An excerpt:
1. Philosophy: Libra sees both sides of everything.
Libra also sees both sides of seeing both sides of everything.
Libra is unhappy about seeing both sides of seeing both sides of everything.
Libra is happy to tell you this.
2. Politics: Libra is diplomatic, well balanced and appreciative.
Libra is indecisive, immovable and uncertain.
Libra has called for a confidential, closed-door meeting between both sides of Libra.
Libra believes we can work it out.
Libra also, as is well demonstrated here, likes to see Libra’s name in print. Libra is fascinated with Libra’s own idiosyncracies and internal contradictions to a really rather embarrassing degree. And when this time of year rolls around, Libra would like to be showered with gifts and attention, all the while protesting that you shouldn’t have gone to the trouble. Because that is Libra’s idea of a good time.
Posted by bill at 12:49 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
September 25, 2007
Last blog entry ever
So…5 fat, juicy, real comments for the post where I talk about not blogging anymore. It just goes to show you what the rappers have already figured out: If you want the audience to pay attention to what you’re doing, threaten to retire. To keep this momentum up, from now on I’m going to retire after every post, then unretire when I have something new I want to say.
Today I am temporarily unretiring to suggest a visit to the following address:
http://www.optimismisaskill.com/
where my old homeboy Jim McLelland is offering a series of podcasts that I hesitate to describe to you, because any quick description I gave might sound like an insult. “Self-improvement,” “Chopra-esque spiritual uplift,” “human existence coaching”…all of these things would be technically accurate and yet beside the point.
To put it simply, Jim has spent a long time thinking about this life thing, and he’s figured some stuff out. Those of us who know him are proud and maybe a little surprised at the level of insight on display here. Do yourself a favor and check it out.
Now…back to the shuffleboard.
Posted by bill at 5:10 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
September 19, 2007
The Blogosphere Ecology Program
I don’t need to tell you that the blogosphere, once an exciting new frontier, has quickly grown out of control. It’s kind of like California went from the Gold Rush to the 21st century overnight. Everything’s all clogged up, nobody knows what’s what, and blogs are being used for any and every purpose, no matter how inappropriate.
And I don’t excuse myself from this. I’ve written blog entries about “Sally Forth,” anvils, and Tony Danza. I have transcribed words from the dictionary. I have posted pictures of a laundromat, and no one’s ever tried to stop me.
It’s time for that to change. In other areas of oversupply, the government has stepped in and used its resources to get things back in line. In this case such a program, which I have given the working title “Blogosphere Ecology Program,” would pay people not to blog. I, for one, would be willing to sign up; it’s always been a dream of mine to get paid not to do something.
The BEP would serve the dual purpose of providing income for underemployed English majors (is there any other kind?) and thinning out the blogosphere a bit, giving it some room to breathe. Won’t you write to your congressperson in support of this important legislation today?
Posted by bill at 10:37 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack
September 18, 2007
As Yoda might have put it: Experienced, are you? Experienced, have you ever been? You will be. You will be.
Today is the anniversary of the 1970 death of Jimi Hendrix, an occasion which I mark every year by dressing all in black and burning a very small guitar.
This year also marks the 40th anniversary of the Jimi Hendrix Experience’s debut album, Are You Experienced?, released 9/23/1967. John Ridley, in a recent Huffington Post piece, called Are You Experienced? “the most important music album ever.” He was being hyperbolic to make a point, but who am I to argue? I was in utero when the album came out, and here we are many many years later still talking about it. That’s got to mean something.
Perhaps the most shocking thing about Jimi’s continued impact is that, if you do the math, he was only in the limelight for a little over three years. It’s hard not to wonder would have happened if he had lived. Would he have become a washed-up relic of another era like Clapton? Would he have had a long fallow period followed by a late-career renaissance like Dylan? Would he have been shot down by some nutjob like Lennon?
We’ll never know. Musically, he probably had some innovations left in him, but he was already on somewhat of a downward arc by the time he died. Compare Jimi’s legendary 1967 performance at Monterey—where he is flamboyant and innovative but still within the context of actual, definable songs played by a tight band—with the 1970 Berkeley performance where he’s so whacked out on dope that he often seems to forget what song he’s playing. It’s a bit sad, and you hate to think of Jimi going any further down that rabbit hole. On the other hand, maybe he would have cleaned up and gotten his act together. Again, we’ll never know.
But one thing we can say with certainty is that his cachet as an icon would only have been diminished had he lived on. All the real titans of cool, the ones that move posters in bulk, did the whole die-young-good-looking-corpse thing: James Dean, Marilyn, Morrison, Guevara, Cobain. (You might say Elvis is an exception, but I think that in the popular imagination Young Elvis and Old Elvis are actually two different people; Old Elvis killed Young Elvis and ate him. Hence the postage stamps.)
Still, depressing as it is to think of a fat, doddering Hendrix trying to play guitar with his dentures, I think he deserved the chance to walk around on Earth and breathe the air a little longer. So today’s lesson for all you kids out there is: If you’re going to mix hard drugs with prescription medication while partying with your Swedish girlfriend, when you pass out in the bathtub, make sure it’s on your stomach.
Posted by bill at 4:42 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
September 11, 2007
Death of an Expression
This sapphire image lifted from Flickr denizen Orbital Joe.
Occasionally there is a moment when it becomes crystal-clear that a particular formerly hip word or phrase has outlived its usefulness. I experienced such a moment on the way to work this morning.
If you’ve spent any time listening to radio in the Bay Area you’re familiar with Tom Shane, who for many years has been blanketing the airwaves with advertisements for his jewelry concern, the Shane Company. Tom seems like a nice guy, but one thing we can say for sure about him is that he is—how to put this delicately?—extremely white. This did not, however, prevent him from uttering the following phrase bragging on his company’s wares:
“Our selection of sapphires is off the hook.”
End of story.
Posted by bill at 10:39 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
September 10, 2007
Lost Planes
There was something oddly compelling about this story from today’s Chronicle, which may have flown beneath the radar of my non-Bay Area readers (hi, Dad).
Apparently, the ongoing search for missing “millionaire aviator” Steve Fossett has turned up no fewer than eight other planes, all of which remain unidentified for the time being. Only after concluding the search for Fossett will the agencies involved go back and investigate the other discoveries, and isn’t that a great premise for a TV series?
Suggested soundtrack:
“Lost Planes” / the Fixx
“Burning Airlines” / Brian Eno
“Hit the Plane Down” / Pavement
Posted by bill at 5:04 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
September 6, 2007
Burrito Tunnel
I never wanted to be one of those guys whose blog turns into a bunch of links to other blogs. But due to lack of time and general non-prolifitude, I may be turning into one of those guys.
Anyway, were you aware of the existence of a trans-continental burrito tunnel? Me neither, until today. This is truly one of the seven wonders of the modern world.
Posted by bill at 2:08 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
September 5, 2007
Overheard on the way to work this morning
“Hey blood, you can’t be callin’ my phone hella times. I got minutes.”
Posted by bill at 10:11 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack