In front of a restaurant on College Ave., an employee is erasing the Valentine’s Day messages from the windows.
“Be Mine” becomes “Be Min,” “Be Mi,” and, with a flourish, just “Be.”
And then nothing at all.
It’s a pretty lovely day here in the City of the Proud, despite the foul prognostications of that obnoxious rodent in Pennsylvania. I’ve said this all before, but I’m not such a fan of the groundhog. Every damn year it supposedly sees its shadow and we are told that no, spring won’t be coming early this year, foolish humans. I’m starting to think there’s some kind of conspiracy behind the whole thing—maybe the companies who make winter coats, or speculators in natural gas?
Well I for one refuse to go along. I do not acknowledge your authority, Marmota monax. I’m going to go ahead and act as if spring starts today, and let’s see you stop me.
Barack Obama has been president for a year as of today, and everybody wants to know, aren’t you disappointed? Well, no, because I did not expect him to wave his magic fingers and instantly solve all of our problems. He has consistently succeeded at the one thing I most wanted him to do, which is not be George W. Bush. When the Haiti quake happened and Barack came on TV to talk about it, it was great to remember that we had someone in charge who is smart and actually cares.
Let’s try to keep things in perspective. Total financial apocalypse seems to have been avoided; things may be improving more slowly than anybody likes, but they are improving. Do you wish John McCain was president right now? And that’s not the worst thing that could have happened; in the days leading up to the election, I spent some sleepless hours haunted by a vision of McCain pulling off a miraculous upset and being so shocked that he dropped dead of a heart attack, making Dingbat president. The USA would have been a smoking hole in the ground by March at the latest.
So let’s count our blessings. By way of calming down, have a listen to this audio clip I found on the CD I Can Hear It Now: The Sixties, where John F. Kennedy talks about his first year in office:
JFK: The Problems Are More Difficult Than I Imagined Them To Be
Today’s morsel of schtick continues my project of updating old jokes for the 21st century, which basically just consists of adding the word “Google” to them. Try to hear it in your head in the voice of Chevy Chase.
Google announced today that it was pulling out of China.
A frustrated China could not be reached for comment.
Because I’m several days behind on my compulsory TV watching, I only just saw last Thursday’s Daily Show, which ended with an amazing clip of Calvin Trillin back in 2006. I wanted to make sure that you saw this, dear reader, because it is awesome:
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Moment of Zen – Calvin Trillin’s Prediction | ||||
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First off, a couple of notes to those buzzkills who love to remind us that this is not really the end of a decade, just like 2000 was not really a new millennium:
1) You are technically correct, and
2) Nobody cares.
See, these numbers don’t have any real significance to begin with; they’re just human constructs imposed on what is really an undifferentiated flow of time. And our simple human brains get excited when the bigger numbers roll over. Nobody wants to hear your bitching, and especially not now. One is hesitant to write off an entire decade, but I don’t think many of us are sad to see this one go.
A few years back, I posted a piece by Robert Ingersoll called “A Christmas Sermon,” which I never tire of reading. It’s well worth another look today.
A cat dressed as a frog. You have a problem with that?
If you’re like me, you will find no end of delight in this website for a Japanese maker of clothes for cats. Not only does it feature numerous photos of uncomfortable-looking cats in ridiculous costumes, but it is also loaded with colorful text comically translated from the Japanese. I think the following says it all:
1. You need to dress a cat. And you will say to a cat together with a family. “It has changed just for a moment”. [ "it being very dear" or ] You will pass pleasant one time.
2. If a family and a cat become fortunate, you will take a commemorative photo! Therefore, please photo your cat lovelily with much trouble.
3. If it finishes taking a photograph, you will make it remove clothes from a cat immediately. You will say then, without forgetting the language of gratitude to a cat. “– be flooded — a way — good — having done one’s best — ! — ”
One disclaimer, though: If you actually purchase one of these outfits, and attempt to shoehorn your cat into it, and get clawed for your trouble, and come down with the Cat Scratch Fever and end up in Intensive Care, it’s not my fault.
Man held in J-line attack is suspect in bus stabbing
And I have to ask: What kind of twisted lowlife stabs a bus?
I’m particularly pleased with this one for some reason…I just like the way the songs fall together. Maybe you will too. Happy Thanksgiving, turkeys.