Bring Out Your Dead

Posted in Whatever Else on December 29th, 2006 by bill

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A dashing young Don Knotts.

So this is the time when we traditionally honor those who have passed away during the year. There was a long-ass list in the Chronicle today, including some surprises—for instance Don Knotts, d. 2/24/06. You’d think I would have known about that one. Also, Desmond Dekker died on May 25, and nobody told me.

The death of Jack Palance took me by surprise, mostly because I was pretty sure he’d died years ago. Likewise, it came as a shock to see composer György Ligeti among the list of this year’s decedents. I had always assumed he was a figure from the 18th or 19th century, probably because his music appears on the 2001 soundtrack alongside such luminaries as Richard and Johann Strauss.
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On the Top of Edge

Posted in Spam, wonderful spam on December 20th, 2006 by bill

Check out this verbiage some Viagra vendor sent me today. Is it not delightful?


WE GLAD TO PERFORM FOR YOU COOL SUGGESTIONS OF MEDICAMENTS.
SEX IS NOT A TROUBLE FOR YOU ANY MORE TAKE PLEASURE IN IT!
SURPRISE HER AND GIVE HER EVERYTHING YOU BOTH DREAMT FOR.
USING OUR ADVANCED TREATMENT YOU WILL BE ON THE TOP OF EDGE.
ALSO YOU WILL SAVE YOUR MONEY WE HAVE A REAL REDUCTION.
UNFORGETTABLE NIGHT THAT YOU COULD HAVE JUST JOIN US!

Perfect for Five Seconds

Posted in Whatever Else on December 16th, 2006 by bill

“You were perfect for five seconds,” she said.

I think in the far future, after everyone’s famous for fifteen minutes, they will be perfect for five seconds. Which, if you think about it, is long enough. Because in those five seconds you will be a transcendent being, encompassing all possibilities and outside of time and space. So this is great news for everyone.

Everyone except me, of course. Cause I’ve already had mine. Dammit.

Back in Black

Posted in Dancing about architecture on December 10th, 2006 by bill

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Like most people, I owned AC/DC’s Back in Black on vinyl back in the day. Then, at some point, I decided that AC/DC was not cool and sold it. I’m here today to tell you that I made a terrible mistake. Over the Thanksgiving holiday, I found a copy of the CD of laying around at my dad’s place, and I made a duplicate for my own use, in clear violation of all the relevant laws and statutes. I’ve been listening to it and let me just say: Back in Black, like, rules.
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Son of Poetic Spam

Posted in Spam, wonderful spam on December 6th, 2006 by bill

Taken individually, the various elements of this bit of text—which accompanied an unwanted stock tip from someone called “Hoskins”—are rather prosaic. But put them together, and you get a powerful artistic statement about the banality of modern life. Or something.


make bomb

Renaissance
The condo has three bedrooms, three baths plus a powder room, overlooks Granada Golf Course and is walking distance to Miracle Mile. But just when the industry was starting to get comfortable with the idea of two competing formats, now along comes a third. This turned out to be a nightmare. Come watch people do stupid things, funny animals and much much more.
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You can’t make this stuff up

Posted in Whatever Else on December 5th, 2006 by bill

I found this item from today’s paper simply priceless. It has a real Monty Python quality—absurd down to its last detail, including cameos by a Phil Collins and the Yoko Ono.


Prize goes to art that means nothing

LONDON — German-born abstract painter Tomma Abts on Monday became the first female painter to land the Turner Prize in the 22-year history of one of the art world's most controversial awards.

Abts, 38, who has lived in London for 12 years, has said that she begins every piece — they all measure exactly 18.9 inches by 15 inches — with no idea what she is about to paint and that they symbolize nothing at all.
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A few words of seasonal relevance

Posted in A few words from Lao Tzu (or someone like him) on December 4th, 2006 by bill

Every existence in nature, every existence in the human world, every cultural work that we create, is something which was given, or is being given to us, relatively speaking. But as everything is originally one, we are, in actuality, giving out everything. Moment after moment we are creating something, and this is the joy of our life. But this “I” which is creating and always giving out something is not the “small I”; it is the “big I.” Even though you do not realize the oneness of this “big I” with everything, when you give something you feel good, because at that time you feel at one with what you are giving. This is why it feels better to give than to take.

—Shunryu Suzuki

If I’d Done It

Posted in Whatever Else on December 1st, 2006 by bill

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If O.J. had done it, he would have planted a bloody glove that was too small for him at the scene.

You won’t find many people willing to admit in public to being disappointed that O.J. Simpson’s book, If I Did It, will never see the light of day. But I am one of them. Think about it; now we will never know the answer to that most vexing of questions: If O.J. had killed his wife and her friend Ronald Goldman, how would he have done it? Certainly not the way the crime was actually done, with a knife, brutally, just outside Nicole Simpson’s apartment. No, O.J. is far too clever for that. An O.J.-devised murder plan would surely have involved international intrigue, multiple red herrings, Nazis, doppelgangers, and Polonium 210. And this is what we will be missing by never getting to read If I Did It: a work of imaginative fiction rivaling The DaVinci Code or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory for sheer creative breadth.
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