The Philter

As a general rule I detest 80s nostalgia, because it tends to focus on the aspects of 80s culture that I liked the least. But there is no denying that they were the Good Old Days. In the privacy of my own mind I often time-travel to that now-somewhat-long-ago era, and I always have a good time there.

One of these flashbacks was triggered the other day by the distinctly post-80s technomagic of my iPod. I like to listen to the songs on it in alphabetical order, as I am all too happy to discuss with anyone who will listen. Lately I have been in the Ns, and when a bunch of songs starting with the word “New” came up, it was hard not to notice that almost all of them were from the 80s. I guess we were kind of obsessed with newness back then—it was Morning in America after all, and while I never cared for Ronald Wilson Reagan 666, I have to admit that his version of America was pretty fun. There was a lot of energy in the air in them days. We were all going to to rich and excellent and sexy and cool… smash cut to Rodney Dangerfield on the back patio at Bushwood Country Club shouting “We’re all gonna get laid!”

And it was all bogus of course, all a big delusion that would come crashing down soon enough. But what a delusion. I don’t know if the kids today are still capable of feeling that way about the future. I hope they are, because everybody deserves the chance to be stupidly grandiose and optimistic until they are at least 18.

So anyway…won’t you join me in a quick 31-minute trip to the magical land of yesteryear? This may be a little heavy on the technopop for some people, but then that was the 80s in a nutshell, wasn’t it? Playlist and notes after the jump.
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Phil Liggett and Paul Sherwen: a very close relationship.

Re the Tour de France, Merle Baggard writes:

OK, glad it’s over. Please get back to more important subjects.

Merle likes to push my buttons, but I take his point. I do want to make just one more note before moving on, though.

The one thing that seemed to get people really emotionally involved this year was only tangentially related to the race itself. This was what has become known as the “falling out” incident involving longtime Tour commentators Phil Liggett and Paul Sherwen.
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Yaroslav Popovych changes jerseys on the fly.

And just like that, it’s so long to the Tour de France for another year.

So long to having my morning coffee as the broadcasters give the stage profile and make their predictions for the day. Some days I enjoy the contest between these guys as much as I enjoy the actual race. Nice to see Grandpa Phil take the title this year, although he was still griping about the rules even as he draped the final yellow jersey over his shoulders.

So long to idiot Frankie Andreu asking Alberto Contador complicated questions after the stage, oblivious to the fact that Contador doesn’t speak English worth a damn. (Why not give Contador a translator? Maybe there was no budget for it; maybe it was a sinister Yankee conspiracy to make him look bad.)
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The agony of defeat.

There were no miracles today. Just for a moment there, it looked like Andy Schleck was going to shock the world by beating Alberto Contador in the time trial; he was up by two seconds at the first time check, but as time went on Contador’s superior speed reasserted itself. In the end Contador bested Schleck’s time by 31 seconds, extending his lead in the Tour to 39 seconds.

Interesting, that, given that 39 seconds was the exact amount Contador gained in the controversial Stage 15. This will give fans something to debate for years to come: Is Contador’s victory tainted by the fact that he transgressed the unwritten rules, taking the yellow jersey due to a mechanical issue? I for one am inclined to say it is. You could say that Contador not only cheated Andy Schleck out of the jersey, he cheated us out of the prospect of the Tour entering its final day with two riders exactly tied, which I don’t believe has ever happened before.

I’m not sure what would have transpired in that case. It’s hard to gain time on the final day, which is always a flat ride into Paris. Someone might have ended up winning the Tour by a fraction of a second. But it would have been a dramatic stage fraught with tension, where any advantage gained would have been decisive. Instead, we will get the usual ceremonial procession with Champagne, and most likely a Mark Cavendish stage win. Oh well. Like the man says: Of all the words of blog and pen, the saddest are “it might have been.”

A hot chick and two douchebags.

They tell me that Mark Cavendish achieves a top speed on his sprints of something like 74 kph, or 46 miles an hour. Some people, especially in my neighborhood, can’t go that fast in a car. This is why Cavendish wins stage after stage after stage; Stage 18 was his 4th this year and the 14th of his career.

To put that in perspective a little, Cavendish’s coach and mentor, Erik Zabel—a cycling legend in his own right—had 12 stage wins in a long and illustrious career. Cavendish is barely 25 years old and already has 14, maybe 15 if he takes the final stage in Paris as he did last year.

The record for most career stage wins is held by Eddy Merckx with 34, and you’d have to view Cavendish as a threat to this record, though Cavendish will never in a million years be the cyclist Merckx was. Merckx was a dominant all-around talent who won five Tours and might have won more if he hadn’t been punched in the kidney by a spectator. Cavendish is a specialist who struggles to get through the mountains without being eliminated; he currently sits 154th in the general classification, 3 hours and 49 minutes behind Alberto Contador. But in the last 200 meters or so that determine who is going to win a bunch sprint, Cavendish makes the other very fast professionals look like toddlers riding trikes. In Stage 18 he was without his leadout team but still shot out of the pack and won going away.

Contador still sits an agonizing 8 seconds in front of Andy Schleck, who was powerless to make any headway on a flat, straight stage. He did get to meet Cameron Diaz and Tom Cruise, who presumably were in France to promote that movie they made together. They also stood on the podium with Contador at his behest. Is it worth having to put up with Tom Cruise if you get to hang out with Cameron Diaz? That’s a personal decision, I guess.

Schleck and Contador by Monet

Today’s writing is dedicated to George Clinton, the Benjamin Franklin of funk, who turns 70 today. For those of you keeping score at home, that means he was born exactly 15 days after Ringo Starr in July 1940. Ringo and George (Clinton) share one essential quality, which is that it’s hard to think of them without feeling just a little bit happier. “With a Little Help from My Friends,” The Mothership Connection, “It Don’t Come Easy,” Maggot Brain…we’re glad these things exist, aren’t we? And its nice to know their creators are still walking the Earth. Love on ya, boys.

And what does this have to do with the Tour de France? Well, you’re reading about them in the same place, aren’t you? So they must have something to do with each other.

Stage 17 was the big showdown on the Col du Tourmalet, and it was a cold, rainy, foggy day. The images on the TV were dreamlike and impressionistic, with the raindrops on the camera lens giving everything a sort of Monet quality. And then, out of the fog, there are two figures, one in white and one in yellow: Andy Schleck and Alberto Contador, having left everyone else behind and shooting to the top of the mountain.
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The Tour is taking the day off and this reporter is quite busy, but I did enjoy reading about an incident that happened the other day between two members of the AG2R team. Nicholas Roche, the team leader, had a flat tire about 6k from the top of the Port de Balés. He asked his nearest teammate, Frenchman John Gadret, for his wheel, which is a fairly routine request. But, says Roche,

I couldn’t believe what happened next. He just shook his head and said “Non.” At first I thought he was joking, but soon realised he wasn’t when he kept riding past me.

This is even more amusing if you picture Gadret giving a classic Gallic shrug of the shoulders before leaving his leader in the lurch. Roche, who is Irish, apparently has a bit of a temper:

If John Gadret is found dead in his hotel room in the morning, I will probably be the primary suspect. But after today’s stage, as he sat beside me on the team bus I had great difficulty in not putting his head through the nearest window…. Although I wanted to smash his head in, and had visions of a baldy French climber exiting through the windscreen, I let Vincent do his job as team manager and said nothing. I got off the bus as quickly as possible and travelled to the hotel in the team car. I couldn’t stand to be near him. I will have to keep my hands in my pockets at the dinner table.

Fantastic, no? There have been some subsequent reports that Roche and Gadret made up – and, for that matter, that Andy Schleck and Alberto Contador have reached some sort of rapprochement – but where’s the fun in that? Hate, bitterness, feuds, rivalry; these are the things I’m looking for. This is what will make tomorrow’s crucial Stage 17 something special. Look in your hearts, boys, and remember everything you have to be angry about.

We surrender!

There was lots more fallout from the Incident of the Chain today. Andy Schleck seemed in no mood to accept Alberto Contador’s apology, reiterating that “I would not have attacked in that situation.” Lance Armstrong weighed in, saying that he didn’t blame Contador for attacking, but there was no way Contador didn’t know immediately that Schleck’s problem was mechanical rather than physical. I was trying to give Contador the benefit of the doubt there, but Lance knows a lot more about it than I do.

Announcer Paul Sherwen agreed with Lance, and he got into a surprisingly heated disagreement with his partner Phil Liggett, who defended Contador. Normally those two guys are in complete accord about everything. At one point Sherwen even brought up the fact that Liggett had never ridden in the Tour, which was a low blow if you ask me. Friendships are being tested all around; supposedly Contador and Schleck had been friends up to this point, and even once vacationed together. I don’t think that well be happening again anytime soon.
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Andy Schleck looks down at his malfunctioning bike at the moment of truth.

After treading water for the better part of a week, today the Tour de France finally delivered one of those moments that reminds those of us who pay attention why we pay attention.

It happened very close to the top of the Port de Balès, a difficult climb that had seen a lot of jockeying for position on the way up. Andy Schleck had just tried an attack, which was clearly not going to succeed. Alexandre Vinokourov had come up right behind Schleck with his teammate Alberto Contador following. Just at that moment, Schleck’s bike slipped a chain and in a flash, Vino passed Schleck and Contador flew by both of them like he had been shot out of a cannon. Schleck struggled to get the problem sorted out, costing him long, excruciating seconds, and this may have been where he missed his brother Frank most of all. Had he still been in the race, Frank might well have been there to give Andy his bike at this crucial moment; but as it happened, the other members of the Saxo Bank team were nowhere to be seen.

For the rest of the race Contador rode like a demon with Schleck chasing frantically. There were some pretty dramatic images as they descended the other side of the mountain – pardon my French – mére putain fast. In the end, Contador preceded Schleck across the line by 39 seconds, putting him 8 seconds in the lead with a total time of 72 hours, 50 minutes, and 42 seconds.

Though this might seem simple and straightforward to you stupid Americans, it is anything but. Cycling fans all over the world are debating intensely whether Contador violated the Code of the Tour by taking advantage of Schleck’s mechanical problem. According to tradition, you’re supposed to wait for another rider who’s had a crash or a bike issue; it’s a question of honor, and there are many relevant examples in Tour history. The question is, did Contador transgress the unwritten rule?
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Five years ago, Stage 14 of the Tour was a potentially pivotal stage that finished with a climb to the ski resort town of Ax-3 Domaine. Today, same deal. Time does indeed run in circles.

As in 2005, there were a number of moments today when it looked like the shit was about to hit the fan, but in the end nothing changed much. Andy Schleck and Alberto Contador remained more or less joined at the hip throughout the day, although on the last climb Contador kept putting in little bursts of acceleration to see if Schleck could stay with him, which he could. (Contador is apparently not familiar with the wise words of the Good Doctor: “Avoid those quick bursts of acceleration that drag blood to the back of the brain.”) At one point Paul Sherwen accused Contador of putting in “a very violent attack,” which is a funny way to talk about a guy riding his bike really fast, but that’s the terminology of cycling.

Stage 14 was the exact mirror of Stage 8, where it was Schleck doing the testing. It’s become pretty fascinating to watch these two guys, who appear to be perfectly evenly matched. Schleck lost to Contador last year by 4 minutes and 11 seconds, but he is still a growing boy, barely 25 years old. At the moment he leads Contador by 31 seconds, but in truth that is a dead heat if not an advantage for Contador, who is a much better time trialist. The last meaningful stage in this year’s Tour will be a 52-km time trial in which Contador is a mortal lock to beat Schleck; the only question is by how much.

This means that Andy will want to take some more time from Alberto in the mountains, which is a very tall order. He will really miss his big brother Frank, who was the only teammate capable of keeping him company on the climbs. Contador has two such guys in David Navarro and Alexandre Vinokourov, and that could end up making a big difference. Or not. There’s a lot of talk in the Tour about the intricacies of strategy, but in the end it comes down to who is the strongest, physically and psychologically.
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